Image Source

dont fall back asleep. dont use warm water in the shower; cold water induces non-shivering thermogenesis, which is good for metabolic and psychological health, and also warm water will open your pores, the fracking fluid water will get in. dont put cream in your coffee – dairy cows in the industrialized world are milked deep into pregnancy, which leaves elevated levels of estrone and estradiol in the milk, also modern milk causes excess igf-1 signaling which ages you faster, increases adiposity and insulin resistance. dont have a cigarette, you really fucking want one, but youll feel it the next morning or when youre at the gym later. dont check twitter. dont go on 4chan. dont read stupid news articles about nothing. dont read the latest atlantic pieces just to piss yourself off. dont listen to a podcast while youre walking down the street. make sure to put the collagen in your coffee – modern diets are characterized by an excess of methionine compared to glycine and proline; causes many problems, especially relating to glutathione status. dont get cigarettes at the gas station. use an exercise ball or standing desk instead of sitting while you stare at the fucking computer screen all day. dont check twitter. dont swipe aimlessly on tinder – the algorithm likes you better if you are more sparing in your ‘use of the product’, puts you higher up in the stack. avoid the couches at the coffee shop – high use furniture in public places like that tend to cough up a lot of brominated flame retardants in the dust. take some psyllium husk and green banana flour with lunch for intestinal health. the smelly chinese guy in your lab is switching between john oliver clips and golden state warriors highlights on his computer and laughing uproariously – dont say anything. dont buy the canned beans obviously, theyre lined with bisphenol a. can you buy the stuff in the boxes? theyre lined with something, youll have to check. get the right brand of tuna, again for bpa, also certain brands use younger fish which are good, using older fish is bad because of persistent organic pollutant contamination – stuff like polychlorinated biphenyls, most of which were created in a single plant in schenectady that your grandpa worked at, were used in transformers, they flowed down the hudson and circulated all over the world, they dont degrade on any meaningful human timescale and theyre fat soluble so they accumulate up the food chain, getting to dangerously high levels in species like tuna or inuit eating their traditional diet, which now poisons them, the seal hunt under the ghostly auspices of the aurora borealis a vector for the toxic libidinous exhalations of your ancestral line. dont get any drinks in plastic bottles. dont touch the receipt, dont touch the receipt. dont check twitter. dont freak out at the girl on tinder who asks for your instagram: just coolly unmatch. dont think about the odds you have asymptomatic chlamydia – over 50% of cases present no symptoms in men. dont check twitter. dont check on your last ex who you kind of hated on facebook, shes in med school now and posts pictures of her glowing smile in her white coat ceremony, she looks like a smug bitch, she was nice though and you were definitely a huge asshole to her, after like a month and a half of ‘being together’ her skin started to taste metallic, repulsive, like copper or zinc, it was like something deep inside your reptile brain was ‘driving you away’, maybe some sort of internal ‘switch’ had been flipped and you now were operating under a different reproductive strategy than you did before, you dont really miss this one although her laugh was infectious, it was semi-obviously ‘fake’, an instinctual ploy, it was on the rising end of the uncanny valley but just far enough from the ridge that something wasnt quite right, probably because she was asian. dont skip the gym, put those plates on your back, 5 sets of 8 today. dont sautee your dinner, steam it in a bit of water you throw in the pan, high heat cooking creates lots of advanced glycation end products which do all sorts of bad stuff, not to mention the polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons and other assorted nasties. make sure to use the right kind of oil. use the stainless steel pan instead of your roommates teflon one. dont think about the fracking fluid in the water youre drinking; the wells are everywhere now, although your friend’s dad works as an accountant at range resources, says all the books are cooked, these things arent making money because the thermodynamic return on investment isnt actually high enough and the whole thing is going to collapse any day, you guess that’s what ‘energy sprawl’ is. dont add fat or too much salt to your food, it skews the reward factor too high, fools your hypothalamus, makes it difficult for your body’s homeostatic weight regulation machinery to function effectively. try to read, or do anything, something better than one of those stupid fucking online card games, definitely dont watch a youtube video of someone playing a card game after making a concerted effort to avoid actually playing the game. have a drink with your friend, try not to check twitter when youre with him. dont yell at him too much when he admits he creampied a 31 year old stripper from craigslist and that he failed one of his online community college classes last semester. take your vitamins, fat soluble vitamins are especially important – you used to be able to get vitamins a and k2 in butter, but cows require growing grass to synthesize those things, and now they mainly eat animal feed or hay, if youre lucky, but thats still not enough. forgot to take a bit of vitamin d this morning, cant take it now, its night time, that will fuck up your already screwed up circadian rhythms, what with the blue light assaulting your photoreceptors constantly and the lack of sun exposure, despite your best efforts theres only so much you can do. have to remember to take it tomorrow morning. dont check twitter. dont jack off to porn before you go to bed, you wont be motivated to see _________ either sometime this week or on friday/saturday at the latest, although that isnt really going to ‘scale’ into anything it still seems more ‘human’ than jacking off to porn, also jacking off to porn is cucking yourself, youve seen people on 4chan and twitter say that and its probably true in a way. dont think about unanswered emails, try to calm your mind, for some reason thinking about making up rts factions in your head helps you fall asleep, which is pretty autistic you guess but at least it works. keep doing that, try not to think about her, try not to think about why it is you *want* to fall asleep now, when you used to like to stay up, just think about those rts factions,



Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments