How To Use Your Dog To Generate Passive Income

Fellas, meet my little buddy Lazlo, or as the chicks call him: Germantria.

I own four beach houses, three Maseratis, two sex slaves, and a helicopter off the back of this dude. Let me show you how I did it.

1. Dog Walking

Start up an LLC, S Corp, and C Corp. Take our minimum of $20k in SBA loans for each one. That’s pocket money. That’s some money to party on. Now put it in your wallet. Next, Walk your dog around the richest neighborhoods in your town. Wear athletic gear that looks clean. Go door to door and ask if they need a dog walker. They’ll see that you already have a pup that trusts you. This lets them throw away their worry that you’re some puppy molester. Once they start paying you to walk their dog, this gives you dog capital that you can use for rest of the steps.

2. Utilize Their Vital Essences

Your dog has blood. You are a lazy slut not using your dog’s blood. Plasma whatever it is he’ll understand. Drain that bag of organs for all it’s worth.

3. Sue. Rival. Dog. Owners. Now.

My papa taught me this trick back in Miami in the mid ’90s. Get another dog to hump yours against it’s will. Sue the owner of rapist dog into the ground. If your dogo has babies that’s just easy dog capital, it’s a wealth machine.

4. Hook, Line, and Sinker

Women love dogs. Use these puppers to lure women into environments where they can be vulnerable. Let who ever paid you to send her into the den of vipers to mug her or whatever and that’s all profit for you.

5. DoggyFans

Sell pictures of your dog online. Brand deals, models for whatever sick shit marketing managers are planning. They need pics of your dog. They need them now.

Here’s Lazlo Today:

My dog lives better than you do. He thinks you’re a bitch to be frank. You gonna take that? Huh? You gonna take that? You’re probably gay and love being poor because if your weren’t you would follow these 5 easy steps. Let the Grind commence!