Ted Cruz: Born in Canada, Conceived in Israel

This is the most insane shit I have ever seen

Let’s explore this together.

The most obvious issue, and the one that most people have pointed out, is that Ted Cruz is tweeting about Israel on the 4th of July. One sentence about our nation’s independence day, followed by a paragraph about an obscure incident involving Uganda and the IDF. This is just disrespectful and shameful.

But let’s examine the story. More than likely it’s just not true. Making something up like this would indicate a level of psycopathy rarely seen. This is comparable to that time Kamala Harris told that “fweedom” story

And I don’t think anyone put him up to this. I think he genuinely just loves Israel that much.

But let’s suppose the story is true. THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY. First of all, I really don’t remember anything from when I was 5 years old. Most certainly not any specific story from the nightly news. And you know Ted Cruz has done way more drugs and has a lot more trauma than your average person.

I did not know what the IDF was when I was 5 years old. Most full grown Americans have never heard of the IDF. The most ardent supporters of Israel, republican boomers, don’t even know that Israel’s army is called the “IDF.”

The only way this could possibly be true is if Ted’s father, the Zodiac Killer, was grooming him from the day he was born to be a republican senator.

Seriously folks, we cannot let this lunatic have the nuclear codes.